


Flashes

by beedekka



Category: The Sopranos
Genre: Gen, Post-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-24
Updated: 2013-12-24
Packaged: 2018-01-05 20:39:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1098375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beedekka/pseuds/beedekka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmela remembers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Flashes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GMTH](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GMTH/gifts).



> Happy Yuletide! I hope you enjoy this little Sopranos treat :)

Carmela turned the page of the photograph album and looked carefully at the first picture that greeted her.  It was a shot of her and Tony standing in a restaurant dining room beside Silvio and Gabriella; they all had glitzy clothes on and their arms around each other.  She didn’t remember the occasion or what restaurant it was – perhaps the one out by the old movie theatre that closed down?  That one had weird red ceiling lights, she thought…  It was probably closed down itself, now.  In the picture they all looked their age in the 1980s, and the clothes and the big hairstyles supported that guess.  It seemed such a long time ago.  Everyone was smiling at the camera so Carmela smiled back.  She’d keep this one.

Below that photo was another of her and Tony, this time at home.  They were in the kitchen and she supposed Meadow must have been taking it.  Tony was standing behind her at the counter, chin resting on her shoulder and his big arms bear-hugging her as she tried to wriggle downwards, one hand clutching a spoon covered in sauce.  Her mouth was open, caught mid-sentence, and Tony was grinning while she looked frazzled.  Carmela smiled again, because she remembered exactly what she’d done with that laden spoon right after the picture got taken.  She remembered having to toss Tony’s shirt away in the end because that tomato just _wouldn’t_ come off the collar; she remembered the taste of the sauce as she’d licked a big splat of it from his cheek, and she remembered the taste of his mouth as he’d tried to kiss her even though they were both laughing too much to do it properly.  Another keeper.

The facing page had a different picture from that time: Meadow’s high school awards night, and they were standing beside her with proud parent expressions as she held up a certificate with words too small and blurred to read.  AJ was on her other side with a face like he’d rather be _anywhere_ else.  Carmela swore there were no pictures where he had any other expression taken after he got to age twelve.  The photo beneath the prize-giving, though?  Both children were younger and grinning broadly, the big Christmas tree behind them and the piles of open wrapping paper explaining exactly why.  Carmela was glad she’d caught this happy moment on film, despite the camera being at a wonky angle, and Tony’s legs and feet sticking into the shot from the side to obscure the styling head doll Meadow was excitedly showing off. 

Soprano family Christmases had been huge, chaotic and exhausting back then, and the next picture – of the dinner table all laid out ready for everyone to sit down – reminded Carmela of the effort she used to put in.  _For the children_ , she thought.  That was what she’d always told herself as she took the money that Tony had earned from God-knows-where along to the store to get the presents and the food and the wine and, and, and…  As she turned the next page of the album and saw a photograph of herself, holding out her wrist to display a gold bracelet with shiny diamond snowflakes patterned on it, she realised that she didn’t even know where that expensive gift was now.

Stifling the pang of guilt that ran through her, Carmela shifted her position awkwardly on the couch and the movement caused a loose picture to slide out from between the leaves of the album, falling by her feet.  She automatically reached down to get it and froze half-way back up.  It was a candid photo of Tony and Livia.  Carmela hadn’t thought they had any images of Livia as an old woman; Tony wasn’t exactly interested in keeping pictures of her around…  The background was a pale painted wall, and Carmela didn’t recognise the furniture they were sitting on.  What preoccupied her more was the look in their eyes: Livia was staring into the lens with fire behind her gaze, while Tony was looking across at her with ice in his.  Carmela hesitated for a moment with the photo in her hand before leaning forward to put it onto the pile of duplicates, out-of-focus, and ‘full of forgotten acquaintances’ pictures on the coffee table.  That one could burn with them.

Her mind went to other photos that had been pulled out and thrown away over the years: Pussy, Adriana, Ralphie, even poor Pie-Oh-My had ended up discarded when Tony couldn’t bear to look at her anymore.  Talk about keeping a ‘family album’ – more faces had passed through its pages than you’d find in an FBI mugshot book.

Then Carmela thought of photos that had never made it into the album at all; ones that had never even been taken.  Like Furio in that bright silk shirt she loved, and Father Phil _out_ of his dog-collar.  Those pictures only existed locked inside her memories – they weren’t available to show around and share, but Carmela still looked at them sometimes.  They gave her an odd feeling in the pit of her stomach, which she supposed was... regret?  Regret for the road not taken?  Yet she still couldn’t decide whether she’d act so differently if she was given the chance to live everything over again.

Maybe she’d change one thing: nix Tony’s suggestion to go to that diner with the table top jukeboxes and crappy mass-produced sports prints on the wall…  _‘Try to remember the times that were good,’_ she heard him saying.  Really, that was what this photograph album was about – recording all their good times and editing out the bad.  It was how Carmela was going to think of her life from now on.

Suddenly, she heard the door behind her click quietly as it opened.

“Carm?  You in here?”

She turned around, closing the album between her knees.  “Oh, hey.”   She smiled.  “Yeah, I just got caught up in some memories; I’ll be through in a minute.”

 

_-fin_


End file.
